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Titles:

"Like A Friend"

"Aime-Moi"

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"Aime-Moi"…

T H E V I D E O…….

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Titles:

"Broken-Heart"

"A Heart In Love"

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African Healing Dance Jacky Essombe

Volume 8Jan. 2003

Turquoise (part 4)

My return to Douala was a sweet and sour affair. I became aware of how much I had missed its scenery during the two years of my being away. My friends were still here. We were all delighted to see each other again. It is with a great acuteness that the differences between Douala and Ambam revealed themselves to my senses. The gray-white color of the sand on the beach was in great contrast with the reddish iron filled soil my eyes had become accustomed to, for two years. Even the singing of the birds seemed different. My first walk through the streets of my neighborhood, barely arrived, reassured me and filled me with joy. I was happy to see how little had changed during my escapade.

I was back here, ready to take on High School, excited by the prospect of a new horizon, unknown. I was already visualizing myself with a big school bag that was now going to be heavier, due to my "important books". I was back here, with the secret pride of having discovered the farther skylines, a bit as an additional assertion of my new status: that of a High School pupil.

I was back here, to the cradle of my innocent emotions. But I was also back here, marked with an invisible seal that only my soul understood. My friends could hardly guess that deep inside of me, things were no longer what they were two years earlier. A certain connecting wave bonded me with something bigger than me. I could close my eyes and instantly project myself into a world new, a world where a smile and a face, to my heart dear, constituted a poetry of great beauty. Love was forever an integral part of my universe. Astonishingly, this new reality did not turn out to be as devouring and as devastating as I had feared. It was rather a flame, intensely warming, without reaching the burning point.

A day didn't go by without my spirit flying into the cosmic space, in search of a sign from Ayana.

Weeks went by…months followed and soon, an entire year came and passed without me receiving a single letter from Ayana, to whom I had however written many and more times. The glow of her gaze to my mind unforgettable, had already inspired several poems in which a tireless faith was nourished. Hope and optimism, true spell to those who cross the threshold to enter the circle of the "disciples" of Love, these precious fragrances incensed daily, the temple of my life.

Patience…Yes! Was also of the tools I was to use in this waiting mode stretching more and more, carrying with it the risk of a slow decline of my sentimental ambitions.

Patience, virtue so bragged about during the "catéchèse" (1) classes, that my learning of the religious values, constantly reminded me of.

There exists a fundamental difference between the things theoretically comprehended and those known through a rigorous empirism. My instruction in this domain had begun.

To wait, without too much clenching. To wait, with the firm conviction that the wait will and could not be in vain. To wait, with the feeling to be on the side of Eternity, or rather, to have her as an ally, firmly at my side. To wait, in a non-depressing passivity, but rather in a contemplating mode, immersed in a continuous tide of the cosmic waves that could not be suspended. I was hence brought to forge, better and better, one of the things in my existence that it was proper to view as a treasure.

I thus had to wait for several years in a row, without a sign whatsoever of Ayana. I would later on, discover that my letters had never been transmitted to her. My cousin, my terrible cousin, who had dared to offer himself as the messenger of Love, had failed in his duty. A certain jealousy, coupled with a weak mind had been able to turn him away from the important mission he had so enthusiastically embraced.

A fervor took over my being when I made that terrible discovery. What was Ayana thinking of me? What had she become? Was she sad, perceiving my "silence" as an unworthy behavior, of a notorious lack of elegance? Were her feelings the same in my respect? I left no stone unturned, to find Ayana's trace…She was already no longer living in Ambam, the information was precise in that regard. Several leads as to where she might be living only turn my search to vain efforts.

I finally calmed down…or rather, calmness came to my rescue. A transition took place that was not in any shape betraying the fervor of my feelings. It opened a window, a sort of a ventilation trap. A new perspective, placing Ayana's image in the background, while at the same time marvelously rejuvenating the passion in my heart felt, opened itself to the pain of mine.

In a certain month of April, coming back home after a busy and tiring day, I laid down on my bed, brought my body to a perfect relaxation. Somnolence took over and I dived into a dream state... some sort of a sleepwalking state.In that state, I was relaxing near a tree and after a while I was going into a very deep sleep. A duality of my consciousness allowed me to know that I was dreaming in the context of another dream, with great lucidity.

Time was suddenly extending and shrinking in an elastic relativity; it manifested sometimes in seconds and in hour-second…sometimes in day-second…week-second…month-second and even in year-second. I took note of the things that I deemed important, of this surprising reality of mine…

(To Be Continued … To Be Continued …. To Be Continued)

Jean-Pierre Simons

© 2003

Note: (1) Catéchèse : religious instruction. It is different from catechism in that it doesn't stick only with the scriptures but rather opens up to other aspects of life.

Note: The previous Newsletters can be read at the following address:

http://www.sighes.com/news_letters_lettres_publiees.htm

News ... News ... News...News   Greetings!!   My interview (in French) with "1001 Musiques".   We will keep the FREE DOWNLOADING of my Sreen Saver "Love Me" going for a while. It will still be only for a limited time. A lot of Visitors have come to the site to download it and it's great. The good people at Art-Multimedia (who produced the Screen Saver, under the supervision of Nass Djarabi) have launched a campaign for the same downloading on their site in France. Their cooperation is certainly much appreciated. THe downloading is also happening on sites such as Freesaver.com and Saverfun.com, thanks to Nass Djarabi. The visitors on my webpage at MP3 can now as well download the Screen Saver along with the MP3 files that was already available on the page. The practice with the musical band is going very well. I will be auditionning some vocalists sometime this week to hire 2 female and 1 male singers. I had the fortune to be introduced to a great Poet by the name of Jean-Michel Bartnicki from Canada. To those of you who can read French, I highly recommend to visit his website by clicking on the following link: http://www.jmbartnicki.com/site/index.html It is an absolute treat to visit his "space". As usual, your comments are encouraged and welcome.   Till our next communication, be well and have fun!   Amicalement, Jean-Pierre Simons

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